Politricks

(Call and response with guest)
I, state your name, do solemnly swear
To tell the truth, at least part of it
To fulfill the duties of my office
Whenever I feel like it
To uphold the honor of the office I hold
Until the first chance I get to do otherwise
So help me god

Gentleman, start your engines!

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a humble man of meager wealth
On election day, I wanna be your choice
In Washington, I wanna be your voice
I'm a serious man for a serious job
I want to do your work, not hobnob
I'm a straight shooter, that might scare ya
My first touch stance: I love America

That's right, I said it -- and I hate terror
I love moms and puppies and apple pie
I like jobs, football stars and stripes
Low taxes, cheeseburgers and fries
I got one gay, one Asian, one black friend
Vote for me and we'll start a trend
We the people will bring change to DC
Our traditional values make us all free

My politricks will make you flip
On election day I'll be your pick
My politricks will make you sick
Of my Kool-aid, you'll be taking a sip

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of sound mind and health
You elected me to represent you
Fuck that, I'ma do what I wanna do
First up find someone to screw
Metaphorically and literally
You want my vote, then pay me
What you think I do this for free?

Those campaign promises I made?
It's not gonna happen, I'm afraid
Hey it's all just a game and I'm playing
In public every Sunday, I'm praying
What you wanna hear, I'm saying
Tyranny of the masses, I'm not obeying
Forget all that, I'm sorry
Re-election time, you know I'm staying

My politricks will make you flip
On election day I'll be your pick
My politricks will make you sick
Of my Kool-aid, you'll be taking a sip

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a devious man of immense stealth
I'm throwing my cards down before fate
To be president of these United States
Going door to door and state to state
Getting up early, staying up late
Shake every hand, kiss every baby
Convince every man, woo every lady

Reinvent myself, won't be me
Be whatever you want me to be
Until I win, then I'm free
To serve my corporate masters
The rich get richer, faster and faster
Don't care how many bloggers call me bastard
War, famine, disease and death
My victory means your last breath

My politricks will make you flip
On election day I'll be your pick
My politricks will make you sick
Of my Kool-aid, you'll be taking a sip

I'm Professor Rex, and I approve this message