The Best You Can Do

I don't need to diss anyone, son,
Not tearing shit down, to bring myself up,
Hysterical lyrics come from a magic cup
I drank all that shit, you can't have none
Mixtape culture by the mile, making me smile
Haven't been this hyped about hip hop in a while
Now everybody's making beats, writing rhymes as a rapper
But that don't make you an MC or a fly producer
You sir, can listen to the radio, all the day-o
But that won't help you learn to spit or make a banging sound
Turn that shit off, put the boombox on the ground
Read a book, go to a museum and see 'em
Works by the great artists, get some fresh ideas
Be inspired, get wired, your influences are mostly tired
Enough songs about trees and cheese, get up off your knees
I want you to drop some knowledge that makes me freeze
I'm gonna Mike Tyson you till you can't hear no more
You ain't old enough, like Traci Lords
Your rhyme scheme is constructed like the Death Star
One tight shot by a rookie
And lookie
Your shit's falling apart

That's the best you can do?
Your rhymes ain't true
You step up to the mic
And you're already through
That's the same old song
We heard a million times before
Six minutes of your flow
the crowd's sleeping on the floor
From there to here
From here to there
Your little nursery rhymes
Suck everywhere

You're like that royal baby
I didn't even know that you exist (I still don't)
I don't know, like maybe
Yeah, put me on your mailing list
So I can be the first to know
When you drop a whack new joint
And help maintain the status quo
While you were living on skid row
I was getting paid to write by AFL-CIO
The rhymes come out of me like an overflow
And I'll chop up your shit like taekwondo
The metaphors you use ain't even apropos
I'll eat you up like you were a sloppy joe
I just hear your rhymes and I'm grumpy cat "no"
What else can I say to your anemic, bulemic, hypoglycemic flow
I'm thinking up new shit like my name was Rousseau
Coming up with new images like Van Gogh
Time for you to shut down your John Doe puppet show
Let it go, you'll get a quid pro quo
Forgo your joe schmoe, joe blow, play dough, simple rhyme plateau
I'll streamline my flow
Like I'm number one, and yell out uno

That's the best you can do?
Your rhymes ain't true
You step up to the mic
And you're already through
That's the same old song
We heard a million times before
Six minutes of your flow
the crowd's sleeping on the floor
From there to here
From here to there
Your little nursery rhymes
Suck everywhere

I'm like Crispin Glover, cause I can kick it
I'm like Kerri Strug, cause I can stick it
I'm like John Starks, cause I can brick it
I'm like Kid Rock, cause I can hick it
I'm old enough to know what these references mean
I'm young enough to still know how to dream
I'm old enough to know who was in the first Scream
I'm young enough to still be first pick on any team
You're going down like Paris Hilton on home video
You make me drink like Paula Abdul before an interview
You're making me pregnant like Tracy Morgan
Filling me with fat like a bourbon chicken bargain
I see your name when I Google whack MC
You ain't the army
You can't even be half of what you want to be
You say more bad rhymes before 9 a.m. than most people say all day
You'll probably come back with the same lame ass crass lines and rhymes
About how I'm a woman, I'm white or I'm gay
Like Drew Barrymore, getting that top off
Unlike Ichabod Crane for you Rap Genius lyrical scoffs
Schooling you like John Stewart ripped Tucker Carlson
Schooling you like I'm the dad and you're my bad son

That's the best you can do?
Your rhymes ain't true
You step up to the mic
And you're already through
That's the same old song
We heard a million times before
Six minutes of your flow
the crowd's sleeping on the floor
From there to here
From here to there
Your little nursery rhymes
Suck everywhere